This is a picture of my last little Shetland pony (or more of her mouth and teeth) – after maybe all the 25 horses that has been my responsibility to care for, during the last almost 20 years.
She was diagnosed with EOTRH today (Equine Odontoclastic Tooth Resorption and Hypercementosis) – you can read more about it here, I just googled it and picked a random page describing it – most pages says approximately the same: https://midwestvetdental.com/equine-dentistry/eotrh-syndrome/
My pony moved to a new place, even out of the country, a couple of weeks ago. This is what the new place is saying about the diagnosing of EOTRH as what is happening to her:
“Equine Welfare…
There is so much talk, so much advocacy.
Our dentist was here today - the „tooth fairy“ who does teeth without sedation. An incredible woman who responds to each horse in the moment and is fantastic in her profession.
Taking care of horses‘ teeth - … I don‘t use the word „should“ often, but will now: when we own horses, imo, it is up to us to ensure their physical well being. Including their teeth. Subjecting a horse to sessions without being aware of potential pain and infections in their mouths is … imo - not just pure neglect but unethical.
We had bad news today: the pony we took on to avoid her being put down has severe infections and broken, lost and damaged teeth. Which sure would explain her not wanting to be handled. We have let her be to get settled in, and she has been more open day by day - so it was time to give her a good check up. The result: Years of neglect. Time for a vet to get her pain free again. 🥴”
I could say a lot to explain and defend myself, but I won’t. This is really my fault. I have failed this little pony. I have not taken my responsibility. This happened in my own backyard. I did not pay attention. And I have acted neglectfully. Period. This is not a defense speech.
It is not the first time I failed a horse, there were many years, I worked around the clock to make sure all horses were taken care of, that was on my farm. But really, I could not. Though I medicated for Cushing’s, always gave a couple of horses special diets, learned about EMS, laminitis, how to prevent, treat, help horses who chocked, colicked (not mine but livery horses – funnily enough my own horses once let out to live out 24// never colicked). I lived thinking about equine welfare day and night. Pasture management, feed, hoofs, teeth, stomachs, furs, movement, social dynamics – you name it.
And yet here I am, with a pony that I failed to notice she has severe EOTRH. I can blame it on lots of things, but again – what is the point? It is my fault. As it was when I could not figure out how to help my huge warmblood gain weight more permanently (despite several years of efforts), or help my gelding with a cancerous tumor on his head, or the small shetlandpony whose feet looked horrible from years of cushing’s (he came to me when he was 23), or the pony with pain in his sacroiliac joint who got aggressive and bucked the kids off. Or the other pony who got aggressive and bit the kids due to god knows what (he went back to his previous owners), or the pony with a swelling in her back, or the pony with swelling of her tear canals from too tightly strapped nosebands, or the former police horse whose teeth was as horrible as his feet – not to mention the starvation he suffered from (he was starved when he arrived – we eventually gave up on him, as the neighbors kept on reporting us for maltreatment – he too could simply not gain back enough weight), or the laminitic pony, or the pony with wounds in her mouth from too harsh bits… I can go on. You get the picture. None of the horses (except one) were healthy. All were sick and hurt in one way or the other, or most of them, in many ways. The one who was not sick, got sick in the end as I could not figure out how to manage the grazing for him, and he too got laminitic.
The pony with the EORTH was doing quite well (or so I thought :-/) – she had some eczemas, she hated to have treated. But apart from that she did not get laminitic, not too fat or too thin, she did get checked regularly – but I still failed her. I did not check her thoroughly enough, and I failed to detect the EORTH.
Mea Culpa. I really mean it. It is my fault for not paying attention, for not having a better check-up system in place. For not thinking to check her mouth. It slipped me by. And it should not have.
It is very obvious she is in great pain now. And I am happy she is somewhere where people will give her the treatment she needs and of course very much deserves.
I am not telling these stories to free me from any responsibilities. Though I failed horses regularly – I also think I did some good stuff. And learned a lot. It was all a journey. One hell of a journey, at time - though also with great moments!
I also have met and seen and known some very skilled horse professionals. I have also met horse professionals who were not so skilled. It took years of learning to also be able to know whom to trust speaking about my horses (or any horses).
Equine welfare – is a swamp and a trench. Through the years I have concluded that whilst I can do something that highly benefits my horse in one way, it will contradict another need he/she has. I cannot win the welfare game (it is not of course a game – without proper welfare – there is nothing). Yet - it is a constant catch 22.
I have also studied welfare from so many perspectives. I cannot of course right now find the study that says, was it that 90% or 80% of all domestic horses have ulcers? But since we cannot see it – we don’t know it. I am glad my pony has a pain that is so visible and that is “easy” to fix with surgery (ulcers e.g. are not).
There is a huge debate going on – in regard to the exposing footage from the Danish dressage rider Helgestrand’s facility.
I thought about it, and concluded – who am I to throw any stones? I am not making money on horses in pain, but gee – I know I am far from perfect when it comes to equine welfare, and today – that became – again – more than obvious.
I really wonder if there is a way to keep, manage, train, handle – and so on – horses that would be giving horses proper welfare? In all aspects, from biological, to social, emotional, and cognitive welfare?
I don’t think so. Maybe this is why I am so drawn to working with feral-living horses? Because in them I see clearer what welfare is? Or maybe I am just avoiding responsibility this way?
I have been speaking about equine welfare for years and years. Studied it, experimented, been an early adopter of more natural ways to keep horses. And I have failed over and over – and now again. This time so blatantly it screams in my face. Yet I had all the best intentions in the world, not to mention plenty of love and affection for my horses, including this little sweet pony.
Maybe I felt it coming? I have been quite quiet lately – not been posting much about equine welfare.
Now I feel I have nothing to say, and with this, my last failure, I can see how I have lost all credibility speaking about equine welfare.
So I won’t. I will take a break. Not sure for how long. Not sure of how to proceed with anything right now. I feel utterly tired. As if it is really not possible to provide true equine welfare, without compromising it in one end or the other. Without being a control freak, stressing oneself around the clock for this or that. And still – your horse – my horse – will end up with some welfare issues. Lameness, sore backs, metabolic syndromes, ulcers – the list is endless.
Mea Culpa. Throw your stones. I am not a masochist – but I do feel I deserve some stones right now. You all have all the right in the world to be upset with me for failing my poor pony so blatantly.
But in the big schemes of things, I am not alone. I know that. And knowing my own failures, I have lost my righteousness. Despite all my knowledge, all the stuff I should know and should know how to check for and do, I failed this pony, as I failed so many of the others in my care.
And I think I have lost all trust and belief in keeping domestic horses. I think the biggest welfare issue for horses – is humans, end of story.
I want to point out again – this is not a defense speech. I am devastated by this, my last failure. In fact, I am in total shock. How could this happen??? But it did. And I was the one causing this. Neglect.
So – with this, I don’t feel credible. Not to myself, not to anyone. Not now. Maybe later? Or not. We will see.
To all who feel betrayed. I am sorry. I am very, very sorry.
And to give me the break I need – I will only discuss this here on the blog – if anyone has a serious comment. I will log out of Facebook until my mind has cleared. This affects me deeply. As welfare – believe it or not – for equines, for humans, for all beings – is utterly important to me. But be civil please, I know I am guilty of neglect, and I do feel very ashamed of the suffering I have caused. Yet – this is bigger than me. We are failing horses on a systemic level (which does NOT negate my personal responsibilities – but writing is part of how I try to understand and how I process thing). I share this, not to free myself from responsibility, not to deflect. But actually to use my own failure to point at something that has alluded me for years. Or maybe it is simpler than that - maybe I am just a shitty horse person? I am contemplating all kinds of truths here.
If nothing else, there might be some learning for many to be made from this, not at least about the occurrence and the facts of EOTRH.
Katarina Lundgren, November 2023 – © copyrighted text and header picture of my pony early summer 2022. The picture from today is not mine, the quote is from a public post.